A VICAR turned up in agony at a hospital — with a potato stuck in his bottom.
The clergyman told stunned casualty nurses he fell backwards on to his kitchen table while hanging curtains.Um, sure. That seems totally likely to happen.
He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap.
Mr. Vicar, sir, might I recommend a butt-plug next time? They're ideally made for this sort of activity, with a wide spot on the end so you have something to grab onto when you pull them out--even the big, potato-sized ones! Give it a try! I, myself, have seen many of them in the extra-large size you seem to be needing! :)
Just a word of caution, though: your typical butt-plug is covered in latex, which isn't all that compatible with human skin, especially the delicate tissues of the butthole area. So you will need some lube, too. Water-based! Avoid any type of oil that you might oh-so-conveniently find in the kitchen, because it will dissolve the latex of the buttplug, and you don't want dissolved latex in your asshole, do you? If you skip the lube entirely, well, my first guess is you won't even be able to get the damn thing to go in at all. But if you do, it's going to hurt like an everlasting bitch when you have to yank it out. So don't forget the lube!
One thing I do wonder about in that article is the assertion that they needed surgery to get the potato out. I fail to understand how it went in so easily, just from him falling on it, supposedly, but then refused to come out. It seems contrary to the nature of the human butthole, which is designed to expel stuff, not take it in. The muscles are accustomed to movement in one direction, not the other. So it's a mystery to me why it was so difficult to get the stupid potato out, unless he was all cramped up or something. Yikes. THAT would hurt--butthole cramps. Eeek.
Well, I am done now. :)
[update]
Wrong! Read:
Rectal Impaction Following Enema with Concrete Mix
Um, WOW. More:
Examination of the specimen revealed a perfect concrete cast of the rectum, measuring 12 X 7 X 5 cm and weighing 275 g (Fig. 2). A thin layer of feces coated the surface and crevices. Grooves in the mass were consistent with rectal mucosal folds. A layer of concrete was chipped off the upper part of the specimen and revealed a white plastic ping-pong ball. This corresponded to the radiolucency observed in the abdominal x-ray.Includes pictures!
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